rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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