Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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