I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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