Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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