apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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