This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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