I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize