I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize