matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
