shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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