dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
