i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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