he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
