and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
