I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
