The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
