yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
