he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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