Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
