i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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