I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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