No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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