I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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