Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
