When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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