why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
