just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
