the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
