It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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