we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
