the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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