Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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