I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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