Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
