I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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