i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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