ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
