you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
