she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
