my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
