even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
