I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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