Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
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you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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