the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
