I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
