I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
