There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
