why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
