You're completely useless in the revolution.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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