you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
