Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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