Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
