Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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