Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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