I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
