Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.