so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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