Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
