i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I still have a little drunk in my system
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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