No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
